Thursday, November 17, 2005

a quick tangental aside

D directed me to and I found myself taking all manner of quizzes instead of putting together my course of study for my Ph.D applications. As I result, I have discovered that

I am Mexican Food.
My sexy Brazilian name is Fernanda Cabral.
My musical tastes match those of Jennifer Garner.
In a past life, I was a charming executor of sacrifices, who lived on Cyprus, but died of consumption.

Thank you. That is all.

a debate

Today's soundtrack:
Jumping Jack Flash by the Rolling Stones
La Tortura by Shakira feat. Alejandro Sanz
Hard Road by Sam Roberts

Every night at 10pm, mi compañero and I watch The National. About three-quarters of the way through each broadcast, there is an "At Issue" panel discussion amongst various journalist-types. Now, this has been bothering me for several weeks. What is the gender of Chantal Hébert? At first glance, I assumed male. The eyebrows, lack of makeup, and men's clothes seemed to make it obvious. But then, I heard this voice that wasn't quite male or female. Immediately, I thought that I had happened upon a strange androgynous subculture. I could only assume Hébert is their leader and that the entire operation was based out of Montréal.

Mi compañero, I believe, is not really bothered by this androgyny. I, however, am not so noble. At this point, I had every intention of writing a blog dedicated to the oppression of true identity through the association of gender roles, but let's face it - that is in no way my real intention here. I'll leave that argument to those who study and research without considering the implications on humanity (take that Science!). My query is far more straightfoward, as only English students can be.

Male or female?

Thursday, November 10, 2005

how to be an edwardian lady when you are out on the town

Today's soundtrack:
Carpal Tunnel Syndrome by Kid Koala

Indeed, it is difficult to know how to act properly in this day and age, especially when one is at a drinking establishment. However, if you keep these tips in mind, you should have no difficulty in acting the part of an Edwardian lady.

1) When preparing to venture out, do not overburden your complexion with make-up. Instead, opt for a subtle, sickly, pale hue of skin that is sure to set the hearts of men aflutter.
2) If you need to quench your thirst, ask the butler or barman for a tonic water because of your "delicate constitution". Those two words will attract men with proper Edwardian sensibilities. If you cannot find the butler or barman, ask the serving wench. Failing that, and if you are in dire need, quietly speak to the scullery maid.
3) If you opt to take a turn around the room, do so only if it shows your figure to the best advantage. Do not take a turn if other, more fashionable women have done so within the past quarter hour.
4) Dance only with those well-established within the community. No matter what your own standing in the society, you should not stoop to dance with a man worth less than five thousand a year.
5) If you dance partner desires further acquaintance with you and your family, ask him to leave a card with your doorman.
6) Avoid open doors, as the drafts are likely to give you chill. However, open windows will do much to give your skin a certain consumptive glow.

Best of luck in courting your very own "Mr Wilcox of Howards End".

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

what "kate needs"

Today's soundtrack:
CTV Noon News

There's a new trend in blogging, apparently. Go to Google and type in your name and the word "needs". For example, type "Kate needs" and a very strange list appears. Inspired by Dave, I've complied my own list.

1) Kate needs a shave
2) Kate needs to be exposed for everything evil that she has done
3) Kate needs a hand... more correctly, she needs a tooth... a few teeth
4) Kate needs to know where I am in my struggle and in my relationship with God
5) Hans has disappeared and Kate needs to find him in order to do the deal
6) Kate needs a kidney
7) Kate needs to be hooked up
8) Also, Kate needs to go "hardcore"
9) Kate needs to leave this homestay by herself as soon as possible
10) Kate needs to be more careful in the future as to who she considers her friends before she does things that will affect her career.

Apparently, I'm having various cosmetic and health issues, as well as working and dating trouble. Sigh.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

welcome to the game

Today's soundtrack:
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban Soundtrack by John Williams
The Inner Harbour by Barry Pellett

Mea culpa. I know. It's been nearly a month. Now, I could make up some quasi-comical excuse as to why I've not updated. The upshot of the whole thing is that nothing really exciting and noteworthy has happened. Apparently, this reasoning is not good enough for some people, who insist on my updating by tagging me. Dusty strumpet.

So. Five things that my friends and/or peer group is excited about, but that I just don't get:

1) Dancing at Divas. Although I have no problem dancing around my house to Carole King and Janis Joplin, the idea of being crushed up against scantily-clad teenage girls and metrosexual boys who are bouncing up and down in a drunken frenzy because Usher is being played - again - is simply not appealing.
2) Desperate Housewives. Even mi compañero watches this show, but I just can't get behind it. I understand that it's a satire and that it's supposed to be clever, but the scriptwriting and plotlines pale in comparison to the brillance of Sex in the City. In fact, Desperate Housewives is, for me, the cast of the OC in a few year. Alas. A moment of silence, please.
3) Getting married and having kids. I have nothing against the institution of marriage or the bearing of children, but it seems like everyone is doing it but me.
4) Grammatically correct conversations. Never going to happen. I don't speak in complete sentences or coherent paragraphs. If you do, congrats. But don't think of correcting me.
5) Public beltching, farting, and eating with mouths open (inc. talking with mouths full). I don't understand the culture of rude behaviour that seems to have taken over my generation. Once, while I was walking through a mall in the 'Mo, one of a group of teenage boys walking towards me quite literally burped in my face. Not even an "Oops, didn't see you there". And who really wants to see what everyone else is eating? As for the public farting, either Daniela or Dave blogged about it. I refer you to their eloquence.

And as per the rules of the game, I must forward this onto three people. Do I know three people who blog? J the Mountie blogs. I shall nominate two other non-bloggers that should be blogging: Holly and Lindell. Mwahaha!