Today's soundtrack:
Carpal Tunnel Syndrome by Kid Koala
Indeed, it is difficult to know how to act properly in this day and age, especially when one is at a drinking establishment. However, if you keep these tips in mind, you should have no difficulty in acting the part of an Edwardian lady.
1) When preparing to venture out, do not overburden your complexion with make-up. Instead, opt for a subtle, sickly, pale hue of skin that is sure to set the hearts of men aflutter.
2) If you need to quench your thirst, ask the butler or barman for a tonic water because of your "delicate constitution". Those two words will attract men with proper Edwardian sensibilities. If you cannot find the butler or barman, ask the serving wench. Failing that, and if you are in dire need, quietly speak to the scullery maid.
3) If you opt to take a turn around the room, do so only if it shows your figure to the best advantage. Do not take a turn if other, more fashionable women have done so within the past quarter hour.
4) Dance only with those well-established within the community. No matter what your own standing in the society, you should not stoop to dance with a man worth less than five thousand a year.
5) If you dance partner desires further acquaintance with you and your family, ask him to leave a card with your doorman.
6) Avoid open doors, as the drafts are likely to give you chill. However, open windows will do much to give your skin a certain consumptive glow.
Best of luck in courting your very own "Mr Wilcox of Howards End".
Might I add, that should you find yourself near swooning due in part to the close room, to the disagreeable company, and to Mr. Darcy's haughty gaze, make your way to the veranda. Surely, an eligible young man will take notice of this perilous action that would expose you to the chill winds, and will fetch your shawl; whereupon you will both have cause to improve the connection.
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