Today's soundtrack:
"Forca" by Nelly Furtado
"Estoy aquí" by Shakira
My dearest Edwardian sisters,
This latest installment has been far too long in coming, gentle readers. Inspiration came to me today as I took in the Portugal-France game this afternoon. I had just finished my coffee which, my dear readers, one should not drink unless they have a strong constitution. The caffeine is simply too much for those of a more delicate nature. While I stood amongst the spectators, I was shocked at the behaviour of the female part of the audience. They simply had no clue how to behave in such a situation. They cheered, they jeered, and they displayed nothing but indelicacy. Sigh. It clearly falls on me to explain how one is to behave while watching the World Cup in the company of men.
1) Be sure to arrive in time to find a seat. Best to sit somewhere near a table so that you can take tea or where you can take out your knitting or needlepoint when the game becomes a tad boring.
2) Do not dress in the garish fashion that some of the men are inclined to pursue. That is, in the team colours of those they will be supporting. It is best to appear impartial, especially if you plan on cheering (silently) for the team your sweetheart's team is playing against. Neutral shades work best in this situation.
3) Never, under any circumstances, cheer for the French.
4) Have your fan ready at all times. The excitement of the game, if it manages to distract you from admiring all of the striking Edwardian gentlemen in the room, may be enough to make you short of breath. As the men will be too deeply engrossed in the game to notice you faint, it is best to fan yourself to stay conscious and to keep your fainting spell when it can be used to greater advantage.
5) It is only acceptable to cheer for Spain if they are playing the French. You are required, however, to make several comments about the Armada and Gibraltar. Should the Spain win the day (this has yet to happen, but if it ever does), a rousing chorus of "Rule Britannia" would not be out of line.
I do hope this helps you, my dear Edwardian sisters, through this trying time of the World Cup. Strength, my dear sisters, as the World Cup is almost over and the attentions of men are about to be returned, rightfully, to us.
Until that time, I remain
your dear Edwardian sister,
the Great Lady K.
I cheered for the French. I had to after the Ronaldo vs. Rooney incident. Now I will cheer for Italy, though I'm well beyond the point of caring. On to bigger and better concerns, such as, um, bbqs and such!
ReplyDeleteAppropriate in every way, dear lady.
ReplyDeleteYou will, someday, make a fetching wife to a proper gentleman of fine birthing.
Good day.
I salute the point you make about the French.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Gibralter is ours and always will be. Do not invade our rocks, the Argentinians did and look what we did to them! Also, the French were selling missiles to the Argentinians during the Falklands War.
In fact, fuck the French with a big pointy stick. They have about as much right to live on God's earth than the Welsh.
The Great British empire lives on.
there was a great deal of discussion during the last game of the world cup about how far up the french ass the bagette should be shoved. zindane should be up first for the buggering, i think.
ReplyDeleterule britannia indeed.
Vive la France!
ReplyDeleteVive la revolucion!
vive le baguette et le fromage!
Mais non vive pas le buggery.
Merci bocoup.
Le mur est blanc. Je aime le chat.
Oh and, je n'aime pas le poisson.
What a miserable game. I was underwhelmed with all teams this year, excepting, of course, the Ecuadorians who blew me away.
Si se puede! Si se puede!